you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
