No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Randomize
