I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
