don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
