He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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