Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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