Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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