I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize