Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
