2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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