Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
