A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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