So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
