doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
