She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
