She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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