At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
