If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
