i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
