bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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