wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
