i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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