I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
