How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
