Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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