Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
