you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
