90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize