FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
