Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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