i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
