Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
