I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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