I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
