i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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