I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
