Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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