they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
