it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
