when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize