youre lurking in front of me
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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