she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
