I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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