please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
