So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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