My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
