Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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