Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
