I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
