Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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