so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
