PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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