I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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