mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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