Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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