I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize