I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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