Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
