Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
