I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
