Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
