the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
