I hope mine doesn't look like that
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
