we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
