Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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