who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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