he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You can't just leave with hair like that
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
