Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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