you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
