So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
